grater baiter

I found Tater Freighter by sheer happenstance
and thought, “hey, this might be worth giving a chance”
it plays quick, it won’t matter if it’s a punter
and the art looks like items straight from Monster Hunter
I like small box card games, they fill me with yearning
and honestly I’m not that good at discerning
when looking for indie board games to review
so off went twelve dollars, so long, bye, adieu

it didn’t take long for TF to see table
we played it just about as soon as was able
our first impressions, I won’t lie, they weren’t gold
the rules explanation left most of us cold
but we persevered, and 5 minutes later
we completed our first play of Tater Freighter!
then we looked around, side to side, bit by bit
and one of our players proclaimed, “is that it?”

that question was fair, as luck would have it
you just deal cards, then select, then split
once that’s done five times the game proceeds to scoring
and it brings me no joy to say all five are boring
you snatch many cards, or maybe it’s light
likely because someone played their cards more-right
I mean right literally, cuz here’s the thing:
the later cards resolve the harder they swing

so if players’ early cards fail to provide
the lions’ share goes to the players who bide
it makes the plays boring, predictable, rote
whoever plays freighter the most is the GOAT
and so Tater Later, the best card in theory,
ends up just enabling plays that are bleary
you replay the frieghter and scoop the board twice
or snatch whichever card type looks the most nice
since the card you hold at the end of the game
scores two times the points and that’s it! it’s quite lame

but wait! there is one more key piece to this puzzle
the delicious snow cone, which all want to guzzle
it’s three points so you’ll want it all for yourself
but players can’t split it, it sits on the shelf
when someone finally claims the sugary prize
their odds of winning considerably rise
and while that may sound like it adds in some spice
3 points in a game this short feels not-nice
it tends to result in a sizable swing
the kind that players aren’t good at surmounting
in all of our plays, with not one exception
the cone holder won to our table’s dejection
and while that could be coincidence, no doubt
nobody who played will return to find out

what TF lacks most are amusing decisions
there are no cool twists in this game of divisions
you just split some cards, again and again
and there’s better ways to spend time with your friends
so skip Tater Freighter, it isn’t a crime
to dodge splitting shrimp, tater, jam, grain, and lime.

A copy of this game was independently purchased for review.