Cracked on Delivery

I’ve made no secret of the fact that while I generally enjoy retro horror, I’m not the biggest fan of Puppet Combo’s output. Murder House started strong but couldn’t maintain its momentum, and the rest of their games haven’t exactly done it for me. So I was surprised, understandably I think, when Ben himself reached out to offer a code for an upcoming console port of The Glass Staircase. I accepted, specifically for the Switch version as porting to that little tablet is particularly challenging. Several of those challenges have reared their heads here, and while I find the Italian zombie tribute here charming, the game is difficult to recommend even for Puppet Combo diehards in its current state.

I want to be clear – I won’t be spending a lot of time on the mechanics right away. They’re about what you’d expect PC’s games to be: a bit janky, and occasionally debatable as to whether they’re working as intended or not, but you can get through it. Or rather, you could get through it, but the Switch port of TGS in particular will do everything in its power to stop you.

Some issues are consistent with the original PC release: characters constantly clipping through their dresses, sliding down stairs and slopes while standing perfectly still, lighting “leaking” through the edges of walls, mashing interact prompts potentially getting you locked into a cutaway and leaving you on a black screen, etc. It’s disappointing to see these issues brought over 1:1, but it’s the new problems I take particular umbrage with.

Let’s start with textures. Several areas, especially in the latter half of the game, seem to be prone to textures stretching far off level geometry or interacting oddly with character models. I won’t get into spoilers here, but a notable example is a character who was originally nude has been given clothes in the port. This is understandable given the varied standards on those platforms. What’s not is that said character’s shorts are untextured and neon pink. I checked with Ben and these unintentional hot pants will be addressed in an upcoming patch, but certification has delayed it at time of writing.

80s clubwear aside, there is a far more significant issue with TGS on Switch than visuals and minor preexisting physics problems. As of right now the autosave just does not work, full stop. There are scripted deaths in the first half of the game and these don’t present an issue, but once you’re in the back half and combats start happening you’re playing with fire. If an enemy downs you that’s game, set, and match. Roll credits, go back to menu, no continues. You don’t even get to restart that character’s section, you’re replaying the whole game.

This just sucks, full stop. The combat in this game is already rough thanks to wide turn radii combined with wonky auto-aim, and you only get so many chances per encounter since you can’t take medkits with you. Getting stuck on a sharp geometry edge or having a character model block your path can set you back an entire hour. This issue is as inexcusable as it is baffling. I have been informed that some platforms have had this solved already, but at time of writing that’s not the case on Switch, and I cannot in good conscience suggest anyone play through 90% of the game just to get jumpscared and start the entire game over again.

Let’s assume that the game’s technical issues are resolved within a reasonable timeframe. Should you play this version of TGS then? I don’t think so, not when there are better Puppet Combo joints on the same system that work notably better. Murder House isn’t perfect by any stretch but you can definitely tell it was made with lessons learned from this game taken into account, particularly in its terrifying first act. Cannibal Abduction is my go-to for games in this mold and it’s even sold as a double feature with The Night of the Scissors on the Switch, both of which beat TGS cleanly! Even the most devout fan of Mediterranean schlock will struggle to find much to keep them invested here, and I’d hesitate to even call this giallo when games like Saturnalia exhibit that vibe better.

I left my time with The Glass Staircase more than a little confused. Sure it’s a piece of Puppet Combo’s backlog that hadn’t been ported yet, but if it wasn’t ready for primetime and doesn’t show itself or the studio in its best light, why is it here at all? Ports take time and money. The Switch is a notoriously persnickety beast. There are already so many better horror experiences available on this platform, and that’s just counting the Puppet Combo ones! I just can’t recommend this one, neither as-is, nor in comparison to the publisher’s greater catalog.

3/10

Review copy provided by publisher.