Wall Chicken is an Acquired Taste

Here’s a fact about my taste in games: I’m generally not the biggest fan of Metroidvanias. There are great ones for sure, some of which even I like (play Infernax), but my distaste for backtracking to find a location back at the start that I’m now capable of accessing because I just gained the ability to jump two inches higher is strong. The ‘vania half of the genre has always been more to my preference but specifically for its old school linear roots. I want to break into a castle, kill an entire Spirit Halloween’s worth of monsters with a combination of religious iconography and bondage gear, and put that big fucking nerd Dracula back in the dirt for another century. And for my money there are few Linearvanias I’d rather play than Castlevania 64.

I’m aware that that’s a bit of an uncommon opinion. The N64’s entries in the series (one of which is essentially a revision of the other ala Capcom fighting game versions) are not nearly as beloved as the PS1’s, and that’s understandable. Symphony of the Night is a stone cold classic and I don’t intend to contest that or compare the two. What I will argue is that, as modern tastes and game design standards have changed, Castlevania 64 has actually aged very well. That’s not nostalgia talking either; I first played this well after the game’s release and adored the thing. At the time it was something of a black sheep as it awkwardly transitioned into 3D alongside every other established franchise in the 5th console generation. Players back then complained about not being able to steer midair or having Mario-esque movement options, forgetting that Castlevania was always somewhat stiff and deathtrap heavy, as well as having a greater focus on combat which was not exactly fluid. Those who came away with negative impressions of this game have commonly named 3 things that turned them off, and I’m going to address them all, as well as why I don’t think they should stop you from playing this underrated gem.

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THE FIRST LEVEL

Where? What? Why?

The Forest of Silence has good points. Initially it’s pretty functional as a tutorial, letting you get a feel for the controls in a relatively low-threat area. Fight some skeletons, jump around for collectables without the threat of death pits, test out an item or two, figure out what each camera setting does what in a game where you will need to switch between them to see what you’re doing, you get the gist. Eventually this gives way to the “real” level, which consists of hopping above one-shot poisoned water while fighting bigger, faster enemies, and it just kind of sucks.

What, did you think I was going to try to defend it? I hate this section as much as everyone else! When I first played this I thought the critics were right because it makes that bad of a first impression. The cliff ledges are some of the most obnoxious platforming in the entire game with the arguable exception of the endgame Clock Tower, and that is not hyperbole. The challenging late game sections are much more linear and come after you’re already fully familiarized with how the game plays. The Forest, by contrast, is the only part of the game where it’s easy to get lost in the trademark N64 fog and have no idea where you’re even going much less what to do. I suspect there’s a reason why this is the only big outdoor area, not counting the infamous and beloved hedge maze in The Villa, which is functionally indoors and therefore doesn’t rely on the system’s crappy draw distance.

I revisit Castlevania 64 about once a year, typically in October. Whenever I return I always have a flash of hesitance and the Forest is why. I know I’ll need to find my way into Dracula’s abode, and I know I’ll fall face first into the poison river at least twice while failing to avoid getting punched in the face by weretigers. The good news is that the game hits its stride as soon as you get into the castle proper, switching to the tight platforming and resource management that made Castlevania famous and never losing its way again. It gets good! You just need to get through the forest to see the trees.

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MAGICAL NITRO

See that bottle on the right? You’ll learn to hate that thing.

OK, so. Magical Nitro. Possibly the most infamous part of the game, at least among folks who’ve actually played the thing beyond a salty 90s rental that ended in the Forest, god bless those kids. Not the hedge maze, not the Tower of Execution and its Sen’s Fortress-ass traps, this. You have to carry a jarred explosive in order to combine it with Mandragora and blow open a wall, but it’s a particularly sensitive widget and will blow you to kingdom come if it’s even slightly jostled. That means no getting hit by anything, neither hazards nor enemies, and arguably more importantly, no jumping because that’ll set the bomb off too. No jumping. In a Castlevania game. Absolute sadism!

Yet I don’t hate it. I can’t hate it. It might be Stockholm Syndrome, or something similar. It’s an extended endurance test and that’s usually my least favorite thing. But it’s so obnoxious, so devious, so fucking frustrating, that I can’t help but laugh every time I get here. It’s also helped by the route being relatively short, even if it doesn’t feel so quick when you’re dying over and over. Plus you get a pretty rad reward at the end in the form of a big explosion and a fun boss fight.

I think I’ve lost at least half of my Nitro runs to the skeleton bikers in the final hallway right before dropping off the explosive. The Very. Last. Section. Meaning on original hardware I had to run the entire thing over again. No save states, no mid-run checkpoints. The whole explosive enchilada. Many a “God DAMMIT” has been grumbled at my TV, and these were some of my grumbliest.

These guys rule so fucking hard.

The thing is, it’s funny. It’s so funny. Every failure is punctuated with a bigass explosion. Bump into a lizardman? Boom! Fall off a sidewalk? Explosion! Hop a few inches in a reflexive attempt to dodge? Blaow! Harsh breeze? Death awaits! The hazards even go from genuinely threatening to straight up goofy as the route progresses (again, culminating with you being harassed by boney boys on bikes, the funniest enemy type that has ever existed). It’s so entertaining that I’m convinced the tone of this whole rigamarole had to be intentional, it’s just so comedically well timed. The game is telling a joke, and granted it’s mostly at the expense of the player, but we could all do with laughing at ourselves now and again.

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THE ENDINGS, or: HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE CARDS

As dapper as he is devious.

Last problem! And it’s the one that gets talked about the least because it requires people to actually complete the game in order to encounter it. I’d argue this is the only one that’s an actual significant problem, but it’s one with a solution so simple that I’m going to resolve it in this very article! The game fails to communicate, and I am going to speak on its behalf so you can actually enjoy your playthrough.

A lot of people have trouble convincing themselves to use items in games. Call it playing conservatively, call it hoarding, call it mind goblins, whatever. It’s one of the longest running gags in videogamerdom. “But I might need it later!”, they cried, as they threw their health potion in the sack with the other 99. It’s a problem borne of being burned in difficult situations too many times, something that designers struggle to help players overcome to this day. 

Not Castlevania 64 though. Castlevania 64 has a different trick, a meaner one. Castlevania 64 punishes you for using items without ever telling you until it’s too late. And it does it two ways. I will give you a solution to both.

One of these punishments is relatively minor. Renon, the entrepreneurial demon who will happily sell you as many items as you can afford throughout the levels, has an invisible threshold of 30,000 gold. This is a relatively easy barrier to clear; money is fairly common and items are vital to your survival if you’re not a speed-runner. Should you rack up at least that much in receipts by endgame, Renon will remind you that you signed a contract (which you canonically did not read) and come to collect your soul by way of an optional boss fight. This can blindside you, but it’s equal parts thematic and exciting. You made deals with a mysteriously well-equipped man in Dracula’s castle, how else did you think this was going to go? My suggestion is to blow gold whenever you see fit. No playthrough is truly complete without fighting Renon; his fight is one of the best in a game already chock full of spectacle battles. You are free to burn through items! Cut loose! Fight the demon man! Enjoy yourself!

Plus he’s a war profiteer, so it’s guilt-free violence.

The other item problem, however, is where this stops being fun. It involves the Sun and Moon cards, items that interact with the game’s ever-advancing day/night cycle. The cycle is critical to accessing certain doors, several of which are in the path of progression, as well as many optional rooms full of goodies that will make your life a lot easier. Renon even sells cards for a reasonable price because, you know, he wants your soul. 

My point is that time matters, and the clock ticks forward slowly, so it only makes sense to use the corresponding card to adjust the time of day as needed, right? All the items are there to be used as discussed above, right?

I mean sure. That is, if you don’t actually want to kill Dracula.

Like many other Castlevania games, 64 has multiple endings.  behind a time limit. The game’s day/night cycle slowly trudges forward, and if it ever gets past day 16 you’re locked in for the bad ending. This in and of itself isn’t something I have too much of an issue with. Multiple characters emphasize the urgency of the quest, that Dracula’s return is imminent, but how many games actually make good on that threat? It’s kind of cool! 

What’s not cool is that every single use of a sun or moon card doesn’t just change what’s in the sky, it means you’ve skipped forward that much time. To the game’s credit this is explained in the manual, but the importance of that little line of text cannot be overstated. When you use a magic card that’s supposed to change the day state you wouldn’t think that actually means your character is standing around waiting for 8 hours like they’re in a Bethesda game, but apparently that’s Reinhardt and Carrie’s idea of magic. On a normal playthrough you find plenty of these lying around even if you don’t buy any, and you’ll likely treat them like keys for the special locked rooms so you can stock up on their contents. It’s not like the game explicitly tells you “hey, if you take your time you’re not getting the fancy boss fights and ending” at the start. The time limit is actually pretty generous in and of itself, but when every use of readily available items lops off half a day it feels comparable to if every piece of meat you ate for healing raised an invisible Gout Meter and your heart gave out upon entering Drac’s boudoir. 

There’s so much more to learn than what this tells you.

I don’t necessarily mind cryptic, weird shit getting in the way of progress. Castlevania as a series is rife with this. Castlevania 2 is notorious for most of the game being borderline indecipherable, Aria of Sorrow made you hunt down 3 missable souls and equip them all at the same time to trigger an optional boss fight and access the actual end route, and there are plenty more examples but my point is made. The way this game handles the cards is some subversive, annoying shit if you have no idea what the game is plotting. So what can you do?

You can plan, is what you can do. If you’re planning on playing this once and never again (though you should play twice so you can play each character’s unique levels) I highly recommend not bothering with sun and moon cards unless absolutely required, which is almost never. I recall using a whole 1 on my last playthrough, and it’s in the introduction of the sun and moon doors where they make you walk through one. Pretty often you’ll be in the right part of the cycle to go through doors for free, and if that doesn’t happen to line up for progression then use them freely! You’ll have plenty. 

Alternatively, and this actually makes for a great repeat playthrough experience, you can be an absolute greedlord. Grab everything from every door because fuck it, we ball. Blow all your money on items that’ll make bosses a breeze thanks to all the healing. Fight everyone up until fake Dracula (which is a fun fight in its own right!), get the bad ending, and laugh as Malus struggles to hide his Dracula-ness from the player character. It’s a perfectly enjoyable run! Sure you miss out on the gonzo final fight, but is that such a bad thing? Sometimes you just want to romp and stomp in a game that so many people considered impossibly hard back in the 90’s, and the cards will let you do that. 

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CONCLUSION

This screenshot is only here because it’s rad as hell.

Phew! That was a lot of words, probably too many. If you’ve made it this far I want to once again state that these notes and gripes are not meant to discourage you from playing Castlevania 64. Instead they should give you all the information you need to enjoy what I consider to be a massively underrated Castlevania game, 5th gen game, old school adventure game, whatever standard you want to grade it against. It’s atmospheric beyond belief and the combat delivers on the simple satisfaction of the non-Metroid-y entries with aplomb. The fact that it didn’t do well enough to spawn its own sub-series (in large part due to Konami’s mismanagement of resources which should shock no one in the present day) is a sadness, because what they came up with in 1999 was and is a truly brilliant gothic horror pastiche. If you enjoy modern games that take inspiration from the series and find yourself craving more experiences that demand you master their systems in order to overcome their challenge, I’m confident you’ll find something truly special if you’re willing to look back to the past.

Plus it’s got skeleton bikers! Skeletons! On motorcycles! With guns! How could you possibly turn that down?